Jokes? Jokes, anyone... (Read 406225 times)

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1160 on: November 12, 2022, 12:34:15 PM »
Marriage is like a card game.

It starts out with Hearts and Diamonds,

but eventually you're thinking about a Club and a Spade.

 :geekdanc:
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Rocky

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1161 on: November 12, 2022, 12:52:26 PM »
 :wave:
« Last Edit: November 23, 2022, 08:56:50 AM by Rocky »
“I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”
                                                           Franklin D. Roosevelt

Rocky

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1162 on: November 14, 2022, 02:59:57 PM »
Now that it's time for Christmas shopping, just a little heads up.

“I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”
                                                           Franklin D. Roosevelt

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1163 on: November 17, 2022, 12:16:23 AM »
Q:  You know how to spot a blind man on a nude beach?



A:  It's not hard.
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1164 on: November 17, 2022, 12:20:33 AM »
Cops responding to a pharmacy robbery found the only thing stolen was four cases of Viagra.

They put out an APB to be on the lookout for a pair of harden criminals.

 :geekdanc:
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Jl808

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1165 on: November 17, 2022, 06:31:43 AM »
I think, therefore I am armed.
NRA Life Patron member, HRA Life member, HiFiCo Life Member, HDF member

The United States Constitution © 1791. All Rights Reserved.

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1166 on: November 22, 2022, 05:14:38 PM »
I went to the ER last week, and the doctor told me I had the Peek-A-Boo virus.

He sent me straight to the I.C.U.

 :geekdanc:
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1167 on: November 29, 2022, 05:20:12 PM »
People who need all their opinions validated are the most annoying people ever!

Am I right?
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1168 on: November 29, 2022, 05:57:25 PM »
I went to an LGBTQ+ rally once and kept asking people what those letters mean.

I never got a straight answer.

 :geekdanc:
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1169 on: December 02, 2022, 06:51:36 PM »
I made sure to put in my Last Will & Testament my wishes to be cremated.

I figure it'll be my last chance for a smoking hot body!   :geekdanc: :D
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1170 on: December 02, 2022, 06:52:17 PM »
Q:  How many South Americans does it take to change a light bulb?


A:  A Brazilian!
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1171 on: December 02, 2022, 06:53:48 PM »
My fondest memory as a toddler was making sand castles with my Grandpa.


That was before Grandma put the urn where I couldn't reach it.

 :geekdanc: ;)
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1172 on: December 06, 2022, 02:10:11 PM »
Ever get pulled over by a motorcycle Cop for speeding?  Or for not wearing a seatbelt? 

Did you wonder why you need a seatbelt inside your vehicle when the Cop is going faster than you to catch up and driving a 2-wheeled motorcycle?

Just seems like the people in charge don't think things through very well.
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

aletheuo137

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1173 on: December 06, 2022, 02:13:08 PM »
I went to an LGBTQ+ rally once and kept asking people what those letters mean.

I never got a straight answer.

 :geekdanc:
Let's get Biden to quit!

Sent from my SM-A102U using Tapatalk

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1174 on: December 06, 2022, 08:35:18 PM »
Let's get Biden to quit!

It took me hours to figure out  :wtf: that had to do with the joke!

I need a vacation!   :crazy:
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

aletheuo137

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1175 on: December 07, 2022, 12:59:05 PM »
It took me hours to figure out  :wtf: that had to do with the joke!

I need a vacation!   :crazy:
I should have capitalize it!

Sent from my SM-A102U using Tapatalk

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1176 on: December 07, 2022, 01:00:05 PM »
I told my doctor I think I'm addicted to Social Media.

She looked puzzled and said, "Sorry.  I don't follow you."
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1177 on: December 07, 2022, 01:01:34 PM »
Q:  Why don't boxers have sex the night before a fight?



A:  They don't normally like each other that way.
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1178 on: December 08, 2022, 12:33:06 PM »
Someone broke into my house last night while I was away.  It looks like the only thing they took was my anti-depressants. 

Now I have to get another prescription, but my doctor's on vacation.

I hope they're happy!
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1179 on: December 09, 2022, 03:41:35 PM »
i just found out my grief counselor passed away.

She did such a good job with me, I really don't care.

 :wave:
"How can you diagnose someone with an obsessive-compulsive disorder
and then act as though I had some choice about barging in?"
-- Melvin Udall