A woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Chicago-area Wal-Mart in order to secure the store's last X-Box One.

Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver.

The victim's names have not yet been released, but are said to include a sociology student at Northwestern University, a chemistry teacher at at local high school and a young pregnant woman buying a system for her brother.

“The figures we are looking at this Thanksgiving are incredible unnerving… and this data is just from Thursday night. We only use to have to worry about Friday," said FBI Specialist Harry Carry.

“We had six people trampled to death at the Best buy, four at the Bed Bath Beyond, and two fatal stabbings at Wal-Mart,” said Miami police spokesman Sgt. James Loftus.

Inside a local Target, the crazed shoppers had lost what was rest of their minds. “We came outside and the Quiznos was burnt to the ground by angry shoppers. I think the Target had ran out of some kind of toaster,” said a shopper who wished not to be named because she was supposed to be bailing out her boyfriend who had punched another shopper over a set of soup ladles.

A witness says an old lady beat a kid with her purse in order to get the last toothbrush holder.

“I don’t even have real teeth anymore and have no need for such an item but it was over 35 percent off. I might be old but I’m not dumb, of course I will take advantage of that deal,” says 88-year-old Margaret Robinson.

According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.

“We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.

I love crap like this and in Obamas back yard no less!!!!

So much for reducing violence!!

Really?

Just another day in the Ghetto.

"Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver". Isn't exactly normal behavior to have a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver readily available for your shopping outing. Hell if she had a pocket knife that would have sounded better than this.

guys, it's SATIRE

guys, it's SATIRE

That's some sick humor.

I love crap like this and in Obamas back yard no less!!!!
So much for reducing violence!!

I love crap like this and in Obamas back yard no less!!!!

So much for reducing violence!!

Really?

That's why I pre ordered online my x-one and ps4 . To many stupid people now days . Didn't have to end that way .