This one is pretty funny. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did...

Muslim world reacts to Obama's latest speech.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/UXodRLLkth4

Enjoy!

So it turns out that yesterday, November 6th was  "Love Your Lawyer" Day.  No kiddin:

http://www.abajournal.com/news/article/friday_is_love_your_lawyer_day_legal_marketers_creation_gains_some_support

So I shamelessly stole this joke from the discussion on another site:

A man stomps into a bar, obviously angry. He growls at the bartender, "Gimme a beer", takes a slug, and shouts out, "All lawyers are assholes!"

A guy at the other end of the bar retorts, "You take that back!"

The angry man snarls, "Why? Are you a lawyer?"

The guy replies, "No, I'm an asshole!"

 

 I last week I met a hooker in Chinatown who said she'd do anything for fifty bucks.
Guess who got their front porch totally repainted.

Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped
to chat as they returned home from walking their dog.

During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.

She said she wanted to be President someday. Both of her parents, Democratic Party members,
were standing there so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

Her parents beamed with pride!

"Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said..."But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!"

"What do you mean?" she replied.

So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge,
and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out,
and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't
the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.

I like this.

Smart guy....

Little Thelma comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day.

"Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint and we're Jewish," she asks, "Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
Thelma's father thinks a bit then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a valentine to?”
"The whole Isis group," she says.
"Why them," her father asks in shock?
"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give them a valentine, they might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. And if other kids saw what I did and then they sent valentines to them, they'd love everyone a lot. And then they'd start going all over the place telling everyone how much they loved them and how they didn't hate anyone anymore.”

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride. "Thelma, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard. ”
"I know," Thelma says, "and once that gets them out in the open, the Marines could blow the shit out of them."

This has probably been posted already but I'll post it in case it hasn't:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/vsVCHE7ayPE?rel=0

Enjoy!!!

This has probably been posted already but I'll post it in case it hasn't:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/vsVCHE7ayPE?rel=0

Enjoy!!!

...
I saw that one before, but I just noticed there's a whole series of those gunny n glock spots on utube

A New York attorney representing a wealthy
art collector called to speak with his client. 
"Saul, I have some good news and I have
some bad news."
 
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful
day today.  Let's hear the good news first."
 
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife
earlier today and she informed me that she
invested $5,000 in two pictures that she
thinks will bring a minimum of $15 to $20
million.  I think she could be right."
 
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! 
My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! 
You've just made my day.  Now I know I
can handle the bad news.  What is it?"
 
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of
you with your secretary."

Enjoy!

 
Good one !

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad
attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth
was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to
change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words,
playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the
bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled
back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.
John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in
the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then
suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the
freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and
said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.
I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully
intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable
behavior."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in
his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, "May I ask what the turkey
did?"

True

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah.
 
While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.”
 
The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.”
 
The deadly chase was recorded. Click below.....
 
https://www.youtube.com/embed/DYDIwOnXNc8

Enjoy!

Blonde Neighbor

 

The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her.
She said, “I have some really great news!”
I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.”
She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew she had been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!”
Then she said, “There’s more…”
So I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”
She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”
Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said…
“Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”

A couple on an African Safari witnessed a small antelope being chased down by a cheetah.
 
While the kill was about to happen before their eyes, the husband casually remarked, “I’ll bet the antelope gets away.”
 
The wife answered, “If that antelope survives this one, I’ll give you sex every day for the rest of your life.”
 
The deadly chase was recorded. Click below.....
 
https://www.youtube.com/embed/DYDIwOnXNc8

Enjoy!