The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful, but understandable story as told by a loving wife........

  The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

  Mrs. OF stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband,OF,  had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

  You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

       "OF was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain.
  We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of OF's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

  Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

       "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, OF is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
  All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

       A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "Hi, I'm OF" The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."
 
 

  The best story of the year doesn't give the proper praise and credit for this painful, but understandable story as told by a loving wife........

  The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

  Mrs. OF stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband,OF,  had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.
The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

  You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

       "OF was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain.
  We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of OF's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

  Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

       "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, OF is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."
  All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

       A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "Hi, I'm OF" The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife, the word is sternum."
 
 

Hey OF,

Sorry to hear about your scrotum. 

Latest IT security warning...

“Never use beefstew as a password

Not stroganoff” 

Hey OF,

Sorry to hear about your scrotum. 

...
No that's not me.
My scrotum was gone after the divorce

    With this quarantine, things been getting a little "weird" around the house with the missus.

    Last night she say's . . .
 "You weren't  even listening to me, were you ?"

    I thought to myself  . . .
"That's a pretty strange way to start a conversation"   

How about the rest of you ?   

"I think it time for you to go back to work (at the office)..."

Maybe I need a hearing aide.

   This  morning she's "saying something" and I hear "Pie and Latte's"
I say "I'm all in" 
She says "Lets go" and starts this stretchy exercise  thingy.
I guess that's what they call a Pilate.

I tell her I'm too tired from Crossfit for Pilates, and she says" you didn't go to Crossfit, those were croissant's and you ate three of them. 

Eh ? What ?

Tonight, wifey asks me if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner.
So I took the battery out of the smoke alarm. 

    With this quarantine, things been getting a little "weird" around the house with the missus.

    Last night she say's . . .
 "You weren't  even listening to me, were you ?"

    I thought to myself  . . .
"That's a pretty strange way to start a conversation"   

How about the rest of you ?   

Yeah I hear ya man. My wife says the same thing. But then my response is:

"Yes, honey we went over this. I have tinnitus."

    Bored and missing the range, I busted out the "Bug A-salt gun.
Wifey walks in and asks what I'm doing and I reply "Hunting flies".
"Oh, get any yet " she say's.
"Yep, 3 males and 2 females" comes my answer.
Intrigued, she asked "How can you tell them apart?''
I tell her " 3 were on the beer can and 2 were on the phone." 

Following ad appeared in the Atlanta Journal.

           SINGLES AD
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship.
Ethnicity not important.
I'm VERY good looking girl who loves to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.
When you get home from work, I'll be at the front door wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (404) 555-1212 and ask for Daisy.

Over 1500 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever. 

Following ad appeared in the Atlanta Journal.

           SINGLES AD
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship.
Ethnicity not important.
I'm VERY good looking girl who loves to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy nights lying by the fire.
Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.
When you get home from work, I'll be at the front door wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (404) 555-1212 and ask for Daisy.

Over 1500 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever. 

============
That's funny. Is there a happy ending?

North Korea Corona numbers:

11:00am-1
11:01am-0
1:15pm-1
1:16pm-0

============
That's funny. Is there a happy ending?

Moral of the story is "Isn't it weird how you can trust your dog to guard your home, but not your sandwich ? 

Grandma took Grandpa to the doctor for his annual checkup.

The nurse came over and said, "The doctor needs a urine sample, a stool sample and a semen sample for some tests."

Grandpa looked at Grandma and said, "What'd she just say!?"

Grandma yelled into his hearing aid, "She needs your underwear!!"

At the age of 65, my Grandma started walking 5 miles a day.
Shes 84 now and we have no idea where she is.

   So last night during dinner we were discussing weird foods and the wife say's
"What's the most risky and dangerous food you've ever eaten ?"

I said "Wedding cake". 

End of conversation.
Couch is giving me bad back.

   So last night during dinner we were discussing weird foods and the wife say's
"What's the most risky and dangerous food you've ever eaten ?"

I said "Wedding cake". 

End of conversation.
Couch is giving me bad back.

  TU
I was going to send this to my wife, then got the slap on the back of my head.  Is there room on the couch for me?

TU
I was going to send this to my wife, then got the slap on the back of my head.  Is there room on the couch for me?

Sorry, I don't know you that well.