Enjoy!

 

This is a joke to me.

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technology/firearm-enthusiasts-are-warming-up-to-smart-guns/ar-AAUNQi9?ocid=msedgntp#comments

 How does the US Military tell time?

US Army - 21 Hundred Hours
US Air Force - 2:00 O’clock in the afternoon
US Navy - Four Bells
US Coast Guard - It’s two hours to bar closing
US Marine Corps - Pulls out Mickey Mouse watch and checks the hands
DOD Civilian - Has an alarm clock set 1/4 hour before the end of the work day

Ooooh rah!

A 3-legged dog walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "What can I get for you, friend?"

The dog looks up and says, "I'm looking for the son of a bitch that shot my paw!"

What do you call a Russian bedpan?
A Poo - Tin


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My brother called to tell me he has a new job.  He's the new production manager at a fire hydrant factory.

He said the pay and benefits are great, but finding a place to park is a bitch!

 

Who’s the world’s richest female golfer ?

Elin Nordigren with one swing. 

It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United
Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably
deserved to fly as cargo. For all of you out there who have had to
deal with an irate customer, this one is for you.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."
The agent replied, "I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first; and then I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that
the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention, please?", she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14".
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically,
the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, "F*** You!"
Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry sir,
you'll have to get in line for that, too."
Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.

A hooker walks into a bar.

Being it was last call, and the bartender was anxious to close up and go home, he decides to serve her one drink before asking her to leave -- to postpone, if not avoid, an argument.

Bartender says, "Last call, young lady.  What can I get for you?"

The hooker says, "Gimme a double bourbon and a beer chaser."

As he's about to pour, the bartender looks back and asks, "You can pay for this, right?"

The hooker grins, lifts her skirt, and says, "You think this'll cover it?"

Without skipping a beat, the bartender replies, "You have anything smaller?"

This is rich!

https://babylonbee.com/video/174

enjoy!
 

 

Who could’ve seen that coming…

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/04/21/cnn-is-shutting-down-effective-april-30-sources-say.html

Have heard the latest ruling that if you choose to still wear a mask, it has to match your underwear!

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This truck me as funny as it reminds me of one of our Senatore.



My great grandfather was a Polish Jew so I can get away with this.
 

I've seen hogg Hitler before but it's always worth a replay.

 

A man is drinking in a bar when he notices a beautiful young lady. "Hello there and what is your name?" "Hello," giggles the woman, "I'm Stacey. What's yours?" "I'm Jim." "Jim, do you want to come over to my house tonight?" “Sure!" replies Jim. "Let's go!" At Stacey’s house, Jim notices a picture of a man on Stacey's desk and asks, "Is this your brother?" "No, it isn't, Jim!" Stacey giggles. "Is it your husband?" Stacey giggles even more, "No, silly!" "Then, it must be your boyfriend!" Stacey giggles even more while nibbling on Jim's ear. She says, "No, silly!" "Then, who is it?" Stacey replies, "That's me before my operation!"

Three ladies were on a bus stop bench. One of the ladies looks at the other and asks her if she is Native American, She says, "Yes, I'm Arapaho." "Is that so?" says the first, "It just happens that I'm a Navajo." The third lady looks at both of them and says, "I'm a Dallas hoe."


 
 

Was talking to this lady the other day regarding gender(s) and how it affected sexual preferences and she told me she was a witch.
I asked her if she was a good which or a bad witch.
She told me she was Bi-Hexual

 

Was talking to this lady the other day regarding gender(s) and how it affected sexual preferences and she told me she was a witch.
I asked her if she was a good which or a bad witch.
She told me she was Bi-Hexual

 

Ever meet a nosey pepper?

You know the ones, right?  They be Jalapeño business!   

(Let me know if you need translating.   )