Every young person should hear this story. Older folks can really be such inspirations to our youth!

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Church Sign:

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^  That Pastor's name is Phil Atio.  I'm told he's quite an orator, he is


Nyuck-nyuck-nyuck.

I'm not signing this one so nobody will know who posted it.

A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.  Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"

The other three agreed.The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."

The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want."

The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me."

The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to. But no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret and I can't wait to get out of here!"

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
Grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a Torrential downpour.
The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband Is out fishing in that?'
That's how the fight started...

 

It's been a while......

This should give you single, adventurous guys some ideas

NSFW. I doubt anyone at a bus stop or other public place would mind, but your boss would probably get suspicious of laughter...

http://m.funnyordie.com/videos/8e25d48f0a/the-babysitter/

Awesome, flyboy. Haha 

Hehehehehehehehehehe

Hehehehehehehehehehe

✓ What he said.

Frog and Female Golfer

A Woman was out playing golf one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.

Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times "milder" than his wife ..


Moral of the story: Women are not really smart, they just think they are.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

12 Reasons to Vote for a Democrat

When your family or friends cannot explain why they voted for a Democrat, they should be given this list.

1. I voted for a Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of gas at 15% isn’t.

2. I voted for a Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

3. I voted for a Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

4. I voted for a Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers, rapists, thugs, and thieves.

5. I voted for a Democrat because I believe that people who can’t tell us if it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will disappear in ten years because of Global Warming if I don’t start driving a Prius or a Chevy Volt.

6. I voted for a Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.

7. I voted for a Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits.

8. I voted for a Democrat because I believe that business should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.

9. I voted for a Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution regularly to suit some fringe folks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

10. I voted for a Democrat because I think that it’s better to pay billions to people who hate us for their oil, but not drill for our own because it might upset some useless endangered beetle, gopher, or fish.

11. I voted for a Democrat because while we live in the greatest, most wonderful country in the world, I was promised “HOPE AND CHANGE.”

12. I voted for a Democrat because my head is so firmly buried in my butt that it’s unlikely that I’ll ever have another point of view.

Since there are so many sailors here 

Two women were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other, a Chihuahua.

As they walked down the street, the one with the Doberman said to her friend, "Let's go over to that bar for a drink."

The lady with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us!"

The one with the Doberman said, "Just watch, and do as I do."

They walked over to the bar and the one with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk in.

The bouncer at the door said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog."

The bouncer said, "A Doberman?"

The woman said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The bouncer said, "OK, come on in."

The lady with the Chihuahua thought that convincing the bouncer a Chihuahua was a seeing-eye dog may be a bit more difficult, but put on her dark glasses and started to walk in.

Once again the bouncer said, "Sorry, lady, no pets allowed."

The woman said, "You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog"

The bouncer said, "A Chihuahua?"

The woman with the Chihuahua said,











"A Chihuahua? They gave me a Chihuahua?!"

For the football fans
http://imgur.com/a/9H0Hv

One line in Inspector's joke was,

"So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!"

I guess it was Isaac Asimov who opined that there should be some scientific measurement of beauty for comparison purposes.  His notion was that since the most beautiful woman in the world was Helen of Troy, "whose face launched a thousand ships,"  a viable unit of perfect  beauty should be the "Helen," just as many scientific units are named after individuals. As examples, we have the Ohm, named after Georg Simon Ohm, and the Ampere, after André-Marie Ampère.
 
But since no woman could exceed this enormous unit of beauty, the Helen, the basic practical unit should be the milliHelen, one thousandth of the beauty of Helen.

So according to Asimov, an example of how this would work went like this: If a particular woman had a beauty of say, 650 milliHelens, that meant that her face could only launch 650 ships.

Brrrump-Tshhhh !

Terry, 230RN

REF:
http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/troyilium/f/FaceLaunched.htm

One line in Inspector's joke was,

"So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!"

I guess it was Isaac Asimov who opined that there should be some scientific measurement of beauty for comparison purposes.  His notion was that since the most beautiful woman in the world was Helen of Troy, "whose face launched a thousand ships,"  a viable unit of perfect  beauty should be the "Helen," just as many scientific units are named after individuals. As examples, we have the Ohm, named after Georg Simon Ohm, and the Ampere, after André-Marie Ampère.
 
But since no woman could exceed this enormous unit of beauty, the Helen, the basic practical unit should be the milliHelen, one thousandth of the beauty of Helen.

So according to Asimov, an example of how this would work went like this: If a particular woman had a beauty of say, 650 milliHelens, that meant that her face could only launch 650 ships.

Brrrump-Tshhhh !

Terry, 230RN

REF:
http://ancienthistory.about.com/od/troyilium/f/FaceLaunched.htm

I wonder where Madeleine Albright would rate on this scale? Does the scale go negative? 

My friend came to me one day and told me of a nightmare he had the night before.

He said he woke up in a sweat and his heart pounding through his chest.

He said his dream was that he was receiving oral sex from a woman.

I told him that is a good thing and asked why he considered it a nightmare?

He said when he looked down it was Madeleine Albright doing the deed. And that it scared the hell out of him. Then he asked me what I thought about his nightmare?

I told him, "Don't look down!".

Obama-Romney hair switch 

Obama-Romney hair switch 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA EPIC!!

HAHAHAHAAAAAA!  Obama looks like Desi Arnaz.

I also had to laugh at the red versus blue ties.