Jokes? Jokes, anyone... (Read 635668 times)

oldfart

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1120 on: August 07, 2022, 11:38:10 AM »
Ever meet a nosey pepper?

You know the ones, right?  They be Jalapeño business!   :rofl:

(Let me know if you need translating.   :geekdanc:)
...
It took a few seconds to translate the ebonics.
What, Me Worry?

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1121 on: August 07, 2022, 11:54:11 AM »
...
It took a few seconds to translate the ebonics.

It works much better when told vs. read.   :thumbsup:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1122 on: September 27, 2022, 06:06:03 PM »
I know I used my thesaurus yesterday.  Now it's not where I left it.

I'd tell you how frustrating that is, but I can't seem to find the words!   :geekdanc:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1123 on: September 30, 2022, 05:33:51 AM »
Yesterday I noticed 2 round lumps on top of my car battery, so I had them tested.

One came back positive.

The mechanic said it's terminal.

 :shake:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1124 on: September 30, 2022, 05:40:55 AM »
Sign at maintenance shop's entrance:

FACILITY MAINTENANCE
HOURS:  M-F 8-5

We Fix Anything

Please knock ... Buzzer out of order

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

MassConfusion

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1125 on: October 01, 2022, 09:17:19 AM »
Two blonds walked into a bar..............
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 “The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.” ― Mark Twain

mrgaf

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1126 on: October 01, 2022, 06:58:06 PM »
Yesterday I noticed 2 round lumps on top of my car battery, so I had them tested.

One came back positive.

The mechanic said it's terminal.

 :shake:

Yikes! You must have been shocked!  :crazy:
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.  Thomas Paine.

No man can get rich in politics unless he is a crook.  It cannot be done. Harry Truman

Only good liberal is one taking a dirt nap.

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1127 on: October 01, 2022, 08:44:40 PM »
Yikes! You must have been shocked!  :crazy:

The charges were even more of a jolt!   :shake:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1128 on: October 01, 2022, 08:57:15 PM »
I was in a bar next to this really annoying loudmouth obviously trying to be the center of attention among his friends there.  He eventually focused his boisterous attention toward me, and I was not happy about it.

After a few jabs and puns, he said, "What's wrong, Bud?  Did you just find out your wife was a guy or something?"  Everybody around him laughed.

I said, "I was enjoying a nice quiet evening.  Nothing personal, but I'd appreciate a little less talking at the top of your lungs."

He made some faces, tried to make more jokes, and I finally said, "Listen, let's make a bet.  If I win, you have to take your party to another bar. If you win, I'll buy 3 rounds of drinks for you and all your friends."

Of course he said yes!  That's when I bet him, "I can jump higher than the average house.  Wanna bet?"  He bust up laughing.  "Hell yeah, Superman!  It's a bet!"

So, I stood up next to my chair, jumped up about 5 inches from the floor, and smiled.  He said, "What was that?  You just lost the bet!"

I said, "Not so fast.  Now it's the house's turn!"

 :geekdanc: :shaka: :rofl:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

mrgaf

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1129 on: October 02, 2022, 07:04:30 PM »
The charges were even more of a jolt!   :shake:

Hope you didn’t amp things up…. :crazy:
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.  Thomas Paine.

No man can get rich in politics unless he is a crook.  It cannot be done. Harry Truman

Only good liberal is one taking a dirt nap.

mrgaf

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1130 on: October 02, 2022, 07:14:19 PM »
Okay…..

Superman was on patrol in Metropolis on a sunny afternoon when he looked down and saw Wonder Woman laying on a tall rooftop, buck naked, writhing and moaning…
Superman wished he could have some super sex with her but was hesitant…..
After some thought he sad “shit, I’m Superman. I’ll just swoop in at super speed screw her at good and hard and fly off…she’ll never know who it was”
So down he went, nailed her real good and flew off before she knew what happened, laughing his ass off….
Wonder Woman said out loud “what the hell was that”?
The invisible man said “I have no damn idea but all of a sudden my ass hurts real bad”

  :wave:
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.  Thomas Paine.

No man can get rich in politics unless he is a crook.  It cannot be done. Harry Truman

Only good liberal is one taking a dirt nap.

novalight

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1131 on: October 02, 2022, 10:13:21 PM »
From my childhood:

2 wrongs, doesn't make a right
But 3 lefts do

MassConfusion

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1132 on: October 05, 2022, 07:12:18 PM »
I just found this, its kind of old and some of you may have read it before.
If you heard of Gecko 45 you know. If not its a long read. You might even laugh.
https://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free. ― Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 “The only difference between reality and fiction is that fiction needs to be credible.” ― Mark Twain

Rocky

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1133 on: October 06, 2022, 09:22:39 AM »
I just found this, its kind of old and some of you may have read it before.
If you heard of Gecko 45 you know. If not its a long read. You might even laugh.
https://lonelymachines.org/mall-ninjas/
Could not stop reading this intriguing story.
Sent to an OP friend to give him inspiration.  :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
“I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”
                                                           Franklin D. Roosevelt

Rocky

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1134 on: October 06, 2022, 09:24:33 AM »
From my childhood:

2 wrongs, doesn't make a right
But 3 lefts do


From my childhood:
2 Wong's don't make a White.
Pretty "waycist" back then.
No one knew what a Filipino was so I was "identified" as a Mexican.   :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
“I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”
                                                           Franklin D. Roosevelt

aletheuo137

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1135 on: October 06, 2022, 11:45:37 AM »
 

Sent from my SM-A102U using Tapatalk

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1136 on: October 11, 2022, 04:27:15 PM »
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1137 on: October 11, 2022, 04:57:36 PM »
I went to the doctor yesterday. 

Me:  "I keep obsessing over this song I heard last week.  Morning, noon and night, I just can't get it out of my head!"

Doctor: "What song?"

Me: "That oldie -- What's New, Pussycat?"

Doctor:  "Oh, that's called Tom Jones syndrome."

Me:  "I've never heard of it.  Is it very common?"

Doctor:  "It's not unusual ..."

 :geekdanc:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1138 on: October 11, 2022, 04:58:49 PM »
I bought a new sweater and kept getting zapped by static electricity.

Took it back and got a new one free of charge.

 :geekdanc:
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

mrgaf

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1139 on: October 11, 2022, 08:19:30 PM »
I bought a new sweater and kept getting zapped by static electricity.

Took it back and got a new one free of charge.

 :geekdanc:

Was it old or current fashion? :wave:



To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.  Thomas Paine.

No man can get rich in politics unless he is a crook.  It cannot be done. Harry Truman

Only good liberal is one taking a dirt nap.