I want to know what type of firearm they carry!?!?!

Some heavy iron

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.

She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room,
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating.

You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is almost reduced to tears herself, just thinking how caring and sensitive her husband is.

"Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses.

The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your dad caught us in the back seat of my car?"
 
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that, too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says...."I would have gotten out today."

Please Move the Dear Crossing Signs

^, ^^

Both hilarious!

Then there's the protest you still hear occasionally about the slaughter of all those clay birds, and questions about why they aren't put on the endangered species list.

Oh, dang,  then there's the Great Nucla Colorado Prairie Dog Shoot of circa 1990, where I still remember a letter to the editor at the time inquiring as to why they didn't just find good homes for those poor wild dogs, especially the puppies:

http://www.squidoo.com/hometown-nucla-colorado#module28643682

(Praire dogs are a real problem in some areas.  I would get paid nominal sums by some of the farmers around here to thin them out with my .223.)

Terry, 230RN

^, ^^

Both hilarious!

Then there's the protest you still hear occasionally about the slaughter of all those clay birds, and questions about why they aren't put on the endangered species list.

Oh, dang,  then there's the Great Nucla Colorado Prairie Dog Shoot of circa 1990, where I still remember a letter to the editor at the time inquiring as to why they didn't just find good homes for those poor wild dogs, especially the puppies:

http://www.squidoo.com/hometown-nucla-colorado#module28643682

(Praire dogs are a real problem in some areas.  I would get paid nominal sums by some of the farmers around here.)

Terry, 230RN

Love that one!!!

Oh, I almost forgot.  Donna the Deer Lady responds:

http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/deercrossing.asp

I hope I'm as gracious when some of my own stupidities come back to haunt me.

Snopes dott com is the premiere debunking site, in my opinion.  I'm sure the Donna response is in the public domain, even though it was embedded in the Snopes URL above.

Terry, 230RN

Only for you Baby Boomers out there!

Enjoy!

http://www.newsday.com/polopoly_fs/1.235372.1243574086!menu/standard/file/ny-walt-baby-boomers.swf

^^LOL^^  I liked the chopper scooters. Lol!

Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. 

Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, do you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"

Mabel answered, "I have a suppository in my ear?"  She pulled it out and stared at it. "Oh, I'm so glad you saw it.  Now I know where to find my hearing aid!"

   Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port.  About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze!

   "Captain, captain, what do we do?" asked the first mate. 

   "First mate," said the captain, "go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt."  The first mate did so.

   Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain exhorted his crew to fight.  So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties. 

   A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two
pirate sloops! 

   "Captain, captain, what should we do?"

   "First mate, bring me my red shirt!"

   The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and
managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many  casualties.  That night, the survivors had a great celebration.  The first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt.

   "It's simple, first mate.  If I am wounded, the blood does not show, and the crew continues to fight without fear."

   A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy's armada were approaching! 

   "Captain, captain, we're in terrible trouble, what do we do?"  The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker.

   Pale with fear, the captain commanded, "First mate.... bring me my brown pants!"

Can't touch Obama

Obama ended the war on terror...


He surrendered

Modern American Currency

One dollar bill: George Washington
Five dollar bill: Abraham Lincoln
Ten dollar bill: Alexander Hamilton
Twenty dollar bill: Andrew Jackson
Fifty dollar bill: Ulysses S. Grant
One hundred dollar bill: Benjamin Franklin
Food Stamps: Barack Obama

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. However, in a recent linguistic conference held in London , England , and attended by some of the best linguists in the world: Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese, was the clear winner. His final challenge was this: Some say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Please explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Here is his astute answer:

 "When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. But, when you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!"His answer was received with a standing ovation lasting over 5 minutes.

 

Obama ended the war on terror...


He surrendered

IS THAT ONE WORD OR TWO ?

    An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time.

    Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

    Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.  They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

    Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

    "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.

    "I would like it infrequently," she replied.

    The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered - "Is that one word or two?

So Carol is talking to Barbara about contraception.

"I have to be very careful about getting pregnant," Carol says.

Barbara looks at her and says, "But I thought you said your husband had a vasectomy!"

"Yes, he did," Carol answers.  "That's why I have to be very careful."

Not a joke, but still funny as hell

A Muslim, an illegal immigrant, and a Communist walked into a bar.

The bartender looked up and said "Hi there, Mr. President!"