I took my suit to the cleaners who wanted $18.00

So, I donated my suit to Goodwill next door.

They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window.

I bought it for $6.50

Nothing like a cheap suit.

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

I took my suit to the cleaners who wanted $18.00

So, I donated my suit to Goodwill next door.

They cleaned and pressed it and put it in the window.

I bought it for $6.50

Nothing like a cheap suit.

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

You might also save that $6.50 by claiming the charitable tax deduction!

 

You might also save that $6.50 by claiming the charitable tax deduction!

 

. . . It's a joke son.

. . . It's a joke son.

Just improving on it... son.   

i swallowed 2 separate pieces of string last night.

This morning when they came out, they were tied together.

I sh!# you [k]not!

Two young Georgia women were walking along the beach.  Out of nowhere, a man with a nice camera asked if he could take their pictures.

Flattered, the two agreed.

The man asked them to stand facing him with the ocean behind them.

After posing for what seemed like a really long time, one gal asked the other, "What's taking him so long?"

Her friend replied, "I think he's trying to focus."

Surprised, the first woman asked,  "Bofus??"

After Elon Musk bought Twitter, he soon learned that the FBI had its hooks in the platform controlling what was banned speech and what was acceptable.

So, he offered $50 Billion to buy the FBI.

No word yet whether the Clintons are interested in selling.

 

Did you know that Davey Crockett had three ears?
He had a left ear, right ear and a frontier…. 

Did you know that Davey Crockett had three ears?
He had a left ear, right ear and a frontier…. 

That's wild!   

I assume you know the song?

He also ate his pie Alamo'ed.

 

MILF & COOKIES

Old joke but way he tells it is funny.

A new store opened in New York City called The Husband Store where ladies can go shop for a husband.

So, Sally saved up her money and traveled from Florida to see what they had to offer.

At the entrance was a big sign notifying shoppers of the rules:

1.  There are 6 floors.  "Value" increases with each floor.

2.  After reading the notice at each floor's entrance, you may browse that floor or continue to the next higher floor. 

3.  You are not allowed to revisit a lower floor.  You must always go up to continue shopping.

As Sally approached Floor #1, the sign at  the entrance said:

These Men Have Jobs

Sally thought, "Well, that's promising.  If this is the 1st floor, it can only get better."  So, she continued on.

The sign at the 2nd floor read:

These Men Have Jobs and
Love Kids

Moving on, floor #3 said:

These Men Have Jobs,
Love Kids and
Are Extremely Good-Looking

"Wow!" she said. "That sounds great, but I have to see what's next!"

She makes it to the 4th floor, and now the sign reads:

These Men Have Jobs,
Love Kids,
Are Extremely Good-Looking and
Help With the Housework

"OMG!" she said. "I can hardly stand it!"  Still, she decided she had to go on.

The sign on the 5th floor read:

These Men Have Jobs,
Love Kids,
Are Extremely Good-Looking,
Help With the Housework and
Have a Very Strong Romantic Streak

Even though the temptation was almost more  than she could stand, she just had to find out what was on floor #6.

The 6th and Final Sign Read:

You Are Visitor Number 31,000,456 to This Floor.
There Are No Men On This Floor.
This Floor Exists Solely as Proof That Women are Impossible to Please."


 

 

A friend of mine works at Safeway, and he tells me about this woman that came in the other day.

She walks up as he's restocking the produce, and she asks, "Excuse me.  I can't seem to find the broccoli.  Can you please show me?"

He politely says, "I'm sorry ma'am, but we are out of broccoli.  There should be more in the store tomorrow if you can come back then."

She doesn't respond, and just wanders off shopping again.

A few minutes later as he's stacking the oranges, she returns -- and again she asks where the broccoli is.

Again, he says, "Ma'am, we have no broccoli out here, and we have no broccoli in the back.  You really need to come back tomorrow if you can.  We expect a shipment then."

She once again wonders off, but a couple minutes later, he feels a tap on his shoulder.  Right in his face, she says sternly, "How come I can't find any broccoli?"

He says, "Will you do me a favor?"

She asks, "What?"

He says, "How do you spell 'cat' ... like in 'catastrophic'?"

She looks puzzled, but replies, "C-A-T?"

"How do you spell 'dog' ... like in 'dogmatic'?"

"D-O-G."

He says, "So, how do you spell 'f*ck' ... like in 'broccoli'?"

She thinks a second and says, "There is no 'f*ck' in 'broccoli."

He says, "THAT'S WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YA', LADY!"

 

A lady was having no luck finding a suitable husband to marry, so she decided to put an ad in the local paper.

Her ad read: 

Wanted -- A Husband
-  He must not hit me
-  He must not chase after me when I want to go out with my friends
-  He must be good in bed

The next afternoon, she answers the doorbell, and she finds a man in a wheelchair with no arms or legs.

She asks, "Can I help you?" to which he replies, "You're the lady who placed an ad for a husband?  Well, I've come to apply for the position."

She laughed and said, "But you have no arms.'  He said, "Well, I can't hit you, can I?"

Then she said, "You've got no legs!'  "Then I won't be chasing after you if you go out, will I."

She looks frustrated and says, 'But the ad also said you have to be good in bed.  How are you going to do that with no arms or legs?"

He grins and says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"


  

 

 

If you ever wanted to know what an ethical dilemma looks like, read on ...

Let's take a hypothetical. 

You're playing in the most important golf game of your career -- your pinnacle achievement if you take home that trophy!

After the 17th hole, you and another player are both 6 strokes ahead of the next closest score.  It's "do or die" time.  Whoever wins the next hole takes home the cup!

You tee up first.  You take careful aim, relax and make your best drive of the day -- 350+ yards down the center of the fairway!  As you smile and wave humbly to the gallery, you notice the look on your opponent's face as he walks to the tees.  He is obviously feeling the pressure, and your drive didn't help at all.

Sure enough, the player's swing fails to make proper contact, and the ball is sliced into the trees.  The only good news for him is the drive looked to be at least as far as yours, albeit in a less favorable direction.

Out of sportsmanship, you and your caddy join the player in the woods to help look for his ball.  After 10 minutes, the player says, "With 4 of us plus the officials searching, we should have found it already.  I think it's best if you go hit your second shot.  If I can't find my ball before you swing, I'll go back and tee up a second one -- and take the 2 strokes for the lost ball.

You wish him luck, hit your second shot, and the ball lands perfectly on the green about 15 feet from the pin.

About the time you turn to see what's going on with the other guy, you hear the loud "WHACK!" of a ball being struck, and you watch in awe as it lands just a foot from the cup!

With a surprised look, you turn toward the player who yells cheerfully, "Found it!!"

This is when you ask yourself, "Do I take that cheating bastard's ball out of my pocket now, or do I wait to see if we go into a playoff?"

    

The golf scene from "Goldfinger".
One of my all time fav movies.
BTW, the caddie was played by Harold Sakata, a local Hawaii guy who used to be a pro wrestler before WWF.

The golf scene from "Goldfinger".
One of my all time fav movies.
BTW, the caddie was played by Harold Sakata, a local Hawaii guy who used to be a pro wrestler before WWF.

That movie came out less than 3 years after i was born!

Hello, Push-aye...   

(Pussy Galore  )