When I was younger, I could eat anything I wanted and get away with it.

Then someone installed a security camera in the break room.

 

When I was younger, I could eat anything I wanted and get away with it.

Then someone installed a security camera in the break room.

 

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funny, but that happened quite a few times at my work places

Then we actually did install a security camera in the break room

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funny, but that happened quite a few times at my work places

Then we actually did install a security camera in the break room

Yeah, i bet we've all been there.

My sister has that entitlement syndrome -- where she gets whatever she wants because she "needs" it ... no other reason.

I walked in on her eating a bag a Fritos at the kitchen table.  I asked where she got them, and she said right here on the table.

I told her I bought those for my dinner that night (I worked 3pm - 11pm at the textile mill that Summer), and I was in the kitchen to pack my food for work.  I was mad, because I would never do that, and now I don't have what I planned for food that night.

Her excuse?  "Well, I didn't know whose they were."  What?  Unbelievable.  If she has no clue who owns something, it's okay to just take it?  Boggles the mind!

I said, "Well, you sure as hell knew they weren't yours!  Weren't you ever taught not to take things you know don't belong to you?"

She had this look like "that doesn't make any sense."

$100 says she's taken coworker's food from the fridge at work many, many times.

 

Did you know condoms sold in the US have a serial number laser-etched on each one?

I'm sure most here have never seen it.  You have to unroll it all the way....

 

I read a stat a long time ago that said 1 in 3 who are in a relationship has cheated on their partner.

That got me thinking.  Could it be my wife ... or my girl friend?

Beware of Holiday scams this year, because I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry for Christmas and they just sent me a new gun with two boxes of ammo.

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

Over the last 11 years 115 people died in weightlifting accidents at the gym.
In the same 11 years only one person died eating donuts.

Make good choices people.

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

Here is a funny parody video that I saw on the 1911 forum.
Making fun of California wokeness.

When I was younger, I could eat anything I wanted and get away with it.

Then someone installed a security camera in the break room.

 

 

Did you know condoms sold in the US have a serial number laser-etched on each one?

I'm sure most here have never seen it.  You have to unroll it all the way....

 

 

I read a stat a long time ago that said 1 in 3 who are in a relationship has cheated on their partner.

That got me thinking.  Could it be my wife ... or my girl friend?

 

Beware of Holiday scams this year, because I ordered my wife some expensive jewelry for Christmas and they just sent me a new gun with two boxes of ammo.

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

 

Over the last 11 years 115 people died in weightlifting accidents at the gym.
In the same 11 years only one person died eating donuts.

Make good choices people.

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

 

Here is a funny parody video that I saw on the 1911 forum.
Making fun of California wokeness.

Had to laugh to this video.  It's funny and witty.

Problem is, while being funny, it hits hard home.  The parody in the video unfortunately is the harsh reality that kommifornia has become.

So then I started to cry.  But I stopped myself.  And I asked myself.  "Why cry?"

Embrace the inevitable.  Because this crap will be coming to Hawaii soon, if it didn't already.

Everybody knows Dave, and apparently Dave knows everybody, too.

Dave is always name-dropping around the office, and finally his boss got fed up with his bragging.  So, he calls him into the office and tells him, "Put up or shut up, Dave. Either prove you know these people, or stop all the name-dropping.  It's annoying everyone in the office."

Dave replies, "I'm not bragging.  I really do know a lot of people.  Name anyone, and I'll prove it if I know them."

His boss thinks about it and says, "Fine!  How about Tom Cruise?"

Dave:  "Tom?  We go way back.  We went to school together. If you want, I can call him as proof."

Boss:  "I have a better idea."

So the two hop a plane to Hollywood where they get dropped off in front of Tom Cruise's mansion.  They ring the doorbell, and as soon as Cruise opens the door, he grins and says, "Dave!  What a surprise!  Come on in and have a beer so we can catch up!"

The boss was amazed, but also sketptical that somehow he was set up.  So he says, "I'm still not convinced.  This might have been sheer luck."

Dave:  "Go ahead then.  Name someone else."

Boss:  "How about the President?"

Dave:  "Joe?  I've known him forever."

So at the airport, they change their flight and head for DC.  After they arrive, they go straight to the White House and join the public tour.

As the tour group rounded the corner near the Oval Office, President Biden came out.  He immediately shouted, "Dave, you old sumbitch!  How are you?" 

The boss was shocked.  No way did Dave have the opportunity to set this up.  But, he was still skeptical.

Boss:  "You're either the best prankster that ever lived, or you're just really lucky I picked those names. I' m still not 100% convinced."

Dave:  "Okay.  Let's try again, and this time make it more difficult."

Boss:  "I've got it!  You might know people in this country, but I'm betting you never met the Pope!"

Dave:  "Met him?  Why, he and I go way back!"

And off to Rome they go ...

Standing in the courtyard of Vatican City waiting for the Pope to appear on his balocny for the evening blessing, Dave looked around nervously.

Dave:  "There's a LOT of people here.  I don't think I'll be able to get the Pope's attention among this crowd.  So, I tell you what.  I know the guards.  If they agree, I'll join the Pope up on the balcony.  Just keep looking that direction."

Boss:  "i still think you're pulling my leg, but go ahead -- I'll be here."

About 30 minutes later, the Pope walks out onto the balcony, and Dave is right by his side!

As Dave makes his way back to his boss, he sees a commotion and lots of paramedics and police.  When he gets closer, he sees his boss lying down while EMTs attend to him.

Dave:  "Oh no!  What happened?"

Boss:  "This was the final straw.  I think I suffered a heart attack, and it's all because of you!"

Dave:  "Me?  Just because I know Tom Cruise, Joe Biden and the Pope?"

Boss:  "That wasn't what did it.  The final straw was when you walked out onto that balcony, and the guy standing beside me said, 'Who's that guy standing next to Dave?'"

 

Last week, I got a call very late at night.  It was one of my best friend's wife, and she was screaming at me over the phone!

She said, "I don't want you to hang out with my husband ever again!"

I asked why not?  And she said, "Because you're a terrible influence on him!"

I then asked, "So, what did he do that was so terrible?"

Her: "He called me a horrible, nasty name when we were arguing, and I know he never used that kind of language before you started going around town with him."

Me; "Well, what did he say?"

Her:  "It's just too horrible for me to repeat."

Me:  "Um, was it bitch?"

Her:  "No, it was not the b-word."

Me: "uh-oh.  Then was it c-nt?"

Her:  "No, it wasn't that, either."

Me:  "Well then, he didn't hear whatever it was from me!"

 

Took me a second or two.   

(hint: it's the Christmas Season)

Took me a second or two.   

(hint: it's the Christmas Season)

...
Had to Google it to jog my memory

The position "Sixty-nine" (69) will henceforth be named "Ninety-Six," (96)
due to inflation.

Eating out has never been so expensive!

 

My birthday is today, and I was curious what the latest life expectancy numbers are since they change regularly.

What I found is for men it's 76 years, and for women it's 81.

I figure i have a few good years left .... before I have to transition.

    

My birthday is today, and I was curious what the latest life expectancy numbers are since they change regularly.

What I found is for men it's 76 years, and for women it's 81.

I figure i have a few good years left .... before I have to transition.

    

...
Was this supposed to be funny?
Here is something funny. I just arranged my own funeral 3 days ago. I am currently shopping for a Koa wood urn for myself. My kids didn't like my original idea of an Amazon box.

My birthday is today, and I was curious what the latest life expectancy numbers are since they change regularly.

What I found is for men it's 76 years, and for women it's 81.

I figure i have a few good years left .... before I have to transition.

    

 

Those gray haired ladyboys....they'd do anything for a few more years.