Maria was happy to get hired at the local toy factory.  For her first job, she was put at the end of the assembly line for Tickle Me, Elmo dolls.

She arrived bright and early her first day for the 8am shift.  However, by lunchtime, the foreman started hearing that the line was completely backed up.

He grabbed his hardhat and quickly walked the conveyor from start to finish until he found the problem.

There was Maria sowing a patch of fake fur on each doll with a couple of marbles in them.

The foreman said, "Maria, I think we're not communicating well.  i said to give the dolls two test tickles ...."

 

So .....

WHAT IF the Cold War ending is the cause for Global Warming?


 

John was a Broadway stage designer, but he was fired after one week.

He left without making a scene.

 

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

 

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

The woman should stop whining and sniveling and be a man.

For once.

That's just nuts!

 

S/he should make a complaint with Pete Buttigieg, US Secretary of Trans-portation.

An Army veteran went to his local US Postal Service employment office to apply for work.  As the interviewer sat him down, he asked if he'd like a cup of coffee.

"No, thanks," the applicant replied.  "I gave up coffee a while ago."

"Not a problem," the interviewer said.  "Now, on your application, I see you were in the Army.  Did you deploy to any designated combat zones?"

"Yes.  I served in Afghanistan for almost 4 years."

"Excellent!  I see that gives you many points and a better chance of being hired sooner.  Now, if you don't mind me asking, do you have any disabilities -- service-related or not?"

The vet replied, "Yes, i do.  I was standing in close proximity to an IED when it exploded, and I lost both of my testicles.  Luckily the piece of shrapnel was real small, or things might have been much worse."

With an anguished look on his face, the interviewer said, "That's horrible.  I do thank you for your service and sacrifice.  The good news is your injury gives you enough points I can hire you today.  Our normal operating hours are 8am to 4pm.  If you can start tomorrow, plan on coming in around 10am."

Looking confused, the vet asked, "If you start at 8am, why should I not come in until 10?"

The interviewer replied, "Well, this is still a government job, so for the first two hours, we mostly stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls.  You probably don't need to be here for that."

 

Funny shit!😁

https://youtu.be/RBu0C7B3oQU?si=doG7spvAvGu_vF0m

https://youtu.be/R92Ix7ZRb8Y?si=KTJoCu_N1nlDl-eL

https://youtu.be/fC-_m-3xd2U?si=6YCkafxvp70B0sMC

Funny shit!😁

https://youtu.be/RBu0C7B3oQU?si=doG7spvAvGu_vF0m

https://youtu.be/R92Ix7ZRb8Y?si=KTJoCu_N1nlDl-eL

https://youtu.be/fC-_m-3xd2U?si=6YCkafxvp70B0sMC

=============
love those alien dad joke videos
 

The English language is confusing.
How come 22 is twenty two,
33 is thirty three and
11 is NOT oney one?

Sent from my moto g power (2021) using Tapatalk

The English language is confusing.
How come 22 is twenty two,
33 is thirty three and
11 is NOT oney one?

Should be "ten-one", right?   

twenty + one = twenty-one
thirty + one = thirty-one

So, ten + one should = ten-one

English is a derivative language having its main roots in German.

The German name for "11" is "elf" (cardinal) or "elfte" (ordinal).  Hence, "eleven."

Sheesh you guys are giving me a headache with all this math and language stuff. You’re beginning to sound like demoncrats explaining the economy!

Sheesh you guys are giving me a headache with all this math and language stuff. You’re beginning to sound like demoncrats explaining the economy!

Kind of like dinner and a show ...

you get jokes AND an education!   

I was thinking there's a potentially untapped market out there.

How many times has someone asked you to help them move on a Saturday morning?  Or to help wash cars for your kid's school or scout troop's fund raiser?  Maybe you're expected to attend a wedding or kindergarten graduation?

For all those times you planned on finishing some chores around the house, reading a new book, or catching up on your favorite streams, you don't have to fake a headache or come up with an excuse  ......

Presenting:  The House-O-Rest Ankle Monitor!

Looks like a real ankle monitor used for those on house arrest or probation, but without the annoying visit by the Cops if you make a beer run!

So, next time your buddy says, "I'm moving this weekend.  Any plans?"  Show him your monitor and tell him you're under home confinement for the whole weekend.

Use your imagination for a cool explanation!   

I wanted to tell this Gen Z kid I know a joke about social security, but he's probably not going to get it.

This was 10 years ago, but it happened to show up in my YT recommendations today.

A college professor really didn't like cell phones ringing during class, so he had a rule:  the student had to answer the phone and put it on speaker so everyone could hear the conversation.

Then, one day in April -- the first day in fact -- this happened:   

Have you noticed?

Golf is the only professional sport where everyone goes to watch the event
dressed as if they are playing in the tournament.

 

i heard the Devil was arrested last week.

He was charged with possession.

 

Scientists have discovered a food that greatly reduces sex drive:

wedding cake.