I figured out why my geometry class was so depressing.

All those circles we drew were pointless.

 

Redneck Medical Terminology:

Artery - A building for paintings.
Bacteria - A back door cafeteria.
Barium - What you do when your kin die.
Benign - What you are after being 8.
Cat Scan - How you search for a lost cat.
Cauterize - Made eye contact.
Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome.
Colic - A sheep dog.
Coma - A punctuation mark.
D&C - Where Washington is.
Dilate - Live longer than expected.
Enema - Not a friend.
Fester - Increased speed.
Fibula - A small lie.
G.I. Series - World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail - What you put a coat on.
Hospital - The largest building in town, unless it’s Bubba’s BBQ.
Impotent - A very big deal.
Labor - French for very cold.
Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff - A walking stick.
Morbid - A higher offer than mine.
Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates.
Node - I knew it.
Outpatient - A patient who has fainted.
Pap Smear - A fatherhood test.
Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative - A letter carrier.
Recovery Room - A place to do upholstery.
Rectum - Caused a car accident.
Secretion - Hiding something.
Seizure - Roman emperor who lived in the Cesarean Section.
Tablet - A small table to change babies on.
Terminal Illness - getting sick at the train station.
Tumor - Repeat two more times.
Urine - Opposite of being out.
Varicose- Not far, close by.

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27 ... and I was a very picky eater growing up, too!

p.s. "Chitlins" is a phonetic spelling for the way it's pronounced.  The correct spelling is "Chitterlings."  Just FYI.

Other options should include:

Roastnears
Fried squash
Fish Fry -- Deep fried fish coated in cornmeal
Cube Steak with Gravy
Potato Soup
Oyster Stew
County ham sandwich
Hamburger with coleslaw and chili
Strawberry custard pie
Rice pudding with raisins
Banana pudding

And the list goes on.  That's just off the top of my head.   

Foods around the world are much the same but just have different names or slight variations due to availability of spices and ingredients available in the area.
I've had kangaroo and alligator.
Chitlins in Hawaii would be dinaguan or logo.
I never tried dog but my son tried it when he was stationed in Korea.

My daughter bought me a copy of that new best seller, "Anti-Gravity."

I can't put it down.

Two engineers are looking at a flagpole when a woman comes along and asks what are they doing.

They reply we need to measure the height but we don’t have a ladder.

She takes a wrench and tape measure out of her purse, removes couple bolts, lays it down and says 21 ft 6 inches and walks away.

They look at each other, shake their heads and say we need the height and she gives us the length.

The two men have since quit their engineering jobs and now serve as Democratic members of Congress.

Nowadays, the problem with deciding what to eat is difficult. 
You're trying to decide between all the choices at home plus
all the choices from local restaurants.

I only had 2 choices when I was growing up which made the
decision so much easier:  take it, or leave it.

Q:  What does Disney Land have in common with Viagra?


A:  They both make you wait an hour for a 2 minute ride.

 

Q:  What does Joe Biden have in common with a Christmas Tree?



A:  The wood is dead, and the balls are just for decoration.

A cat's nose print is as unique as a human's finger print with patterns and ridges.

Their nose print remains the same throughout their entire life.

I'm asking myself why we have to waste so much money on RFID chips?

 

A man's girlfriend caught him cheating, so she decided to give him the Bobbit treatment while he slept.

He woke up just in time, and she wound put cutting him on the thigh but didn't get the artery.

Police arrested her, and the DA only charged her with a missed-da-weiner.

Q:  Why did the deer go to the orthodontist?




A:  He had buck teeth.

My grandpa is so old, every time someone turns on a light, he walks towards it!

 

Q:  What do you call a Christmas wreath made of $100 bills?



A:  A wreath 'o Franklins.

Did you hear about the two satellite dishes that got married?

The ceremony was nice, but the reception was fantastic!!   

My grandson got hurt while we were playing peek-a-boo.

I rushed him to the I.C.U.!

 

Did you know?  Neil Diamond started out in show business as Neil Coal.

That was before the pressure got to him.