That's what I said:

"that would be 3,153,600 kids dead from firearms per year."

That's what I said:

"that would be 3,153,600 kids dead from firearms per year."

Just showing the math that led to your final number. 

Oh, OK, sorry.

It's funny because it really aired...



APOLOGY:
http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/ktvu-apology/nYpL3/

OMG ! How the F.... does that make the air !

Goes to show how idiotic the news media really is... SMH.

Not gonna lie, I laughed, but its messed up tho. 

Not really a joke, more like the one-night stand from hell. It is kinda funny, though.

http://www.seattlepi.com/local/article/Charge-Teen-cleaned-out-man-after-one-night-stand-4660371.php

Oh, man, I feel sooo guilty about laughing at that.

How the apologist kept a straight face, I'll never know.

Terry, 230RN

A guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "Hey, Buddy! how long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber look around the shop and says "about 2 hours," and the guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks..."how long before I can get a haircut?"

Again, the barber looks around at shop full of customers and says "about 2 hours." The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks "how long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says "about an hour and a half". The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says "Hey, Joey, I'll give you a free cut if you follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Joey comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber says, "this must be good, where did he go when he left here?"

Joey says, "To your house!"

 

Top 10 things that sound dirty in law but aren't:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?
9. He is one hard judge!
8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.
7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute.
6. Is it a penal offense?
5. Better leave the handcuffs on.
4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!
3. Can you get him to drop his suit?
2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could.
 
And the number 1 thing in law that sounds dirty but isn't:
1. Think you can get me off?

Let's Offend Everybody!
 
 
Q.  What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A.  Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
 
Q.  Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A.  To a different bar.
 
Q.  What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
A.  Sum Ting Wong.
 
Q.  What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A.  A speech impediment.
 
Q.  Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans On Star Trek?
A.  Because they're not going to work in the future either.
 
Q.  Why do Driver’s Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
A.   Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
 
Q.  What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A.  The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
 
Q.  How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the “F” word?
A.  Yell,  "BINGO!"
 
Q.  What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A.  A northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..."
      A southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."
 
Q.  Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A.  Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are already in the United States.

How do police officers turn on a light bulb?








They don't, they just beat the shit out of the room for being black.

“Woman stops gator attack with a small Beretta pistol."
 
This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?
 
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.
Here is her story:
 
While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana
with my soon to be ex-husband discussing property settlement and other divorce issues,
we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open.
She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive.
If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me I would not be here today!
Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took.
The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace.
It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was worth more than the purchase price of this gun.
 

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and an astronaut?




one's a moonwalker the other is a child molester   

President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check.

As he approaches the cashier he says "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"

Cashier: "It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"

Obama: "Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to. I am President Barrack Obama, the president of the United States of America!!!!"

Cashier: "Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers, etc I must insist on seeing ID"

Obama: "Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am"

Cashier: "I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."

Obama: "I am urging you please to cash this check"

Cashier: "Look Mr.. President this is what we can do: One day Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putting iron and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check. Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot and the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check. So, Mr.President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States ?"

Obama stood there thinking, and thinking and finally says: "Honestly, my mind is a total blank - there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing."

Cashier: "Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?"

These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

ROFLMAO.  Thanks 808 

What does a Micronesian baby and a football have in common?

They need to be punted!!!!