Ammo is getting scarce!

This morning I lucked out and was able to buy two boxes of ammo.
I placed the boxes on the front seat and headed back home, but stopped at a gas station
where a beautiful Hapa girl in a short skirt was filling up her car at the next pump.
She glanced at the two boxes of ammo, bent over and leaned in my passenger window, and said in a sexy voice,
"I'm a big believer in barter, old fella. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?"
I thought for a few seconds and asked

"What kind of ammo 'ya got?"

Them golfettes gotta practice, practice, practice!

Them golfettes gotta practice, practice, practice!

Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 9-1-1.

The 9-1-1 operator told Bubba she would send someone out right away.

“Where do you live?” asked the operator.

Bubba replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?”

There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, “How ’bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?”

Hahaha

I get it!          

Penis humor ... never ending source of entertainment!

ST6 ...

You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 100,000 rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.

My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: "Wow! He has about a quarter million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache!"

By southern California standards someone owning 100,000 rounds would be called "mentally unstable." Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:

In Arizona , he'd be called "an avid gun collector."

In Arkansas , he'd be called "a novice gun collector."

In Utah , he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.

In Texas and Montana , he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."

In Alabama , he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."

In Georgia , he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."

In North Carolina , Mississippi and South Carolina he would be called "a deer hunting buddy."

In Louisiana , he's just "Bubba" who's a little short on ammo.

^^^ KK, friendly advice. Do not move to Southern California. )

^^^ KK, friendly advice. Do not move to Southern California. )

Hahaha, the first thing I thought.

A professor is giving a seminar on unexplained mysteries and the supernatural.

He asks "Who believes in ghosts?"

About 80 students raise their hands.

"Good. That's a good start. Those of you who believe in ghosts, how many have actually seen a ghost?"

About 30 students raise their hands.

"Excellent. I'm really glad you're taking this seriously. Ok, has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"

About a dozen students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. But has anyone ever touched a ghost?"

Two students raise their hands.

"Amazing! But let me ask you one last question... and I don't even know if it is possible, but have any of you ever had sex with a ghost?"

Nobody does anything for a while but then slowly, one student in the back raises his hand.

The professor is astonished!

He removes his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "My god, son, in all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever actually claimed that."

He waves the student up to the front of the class.

"Come up here please, tell us about your experience with the ghost."

"Gho-- oh, I'm sorry. I thought you said 'goats.''"

"High" Security

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/08/18/ohio-man-finds-285-pounds-pot-delivered-in-new-gun-safe/?test=latestnews

A Biker is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly. A reporter has watched the whole event.

The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, 'Sir, that was about the most gallant and brave thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.'

The Harley rider replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?'

The biker replies, ~ I'm a U.S. Marine and a Republican ~

The journalist leaves.

The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

"U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH"

 

Sunday Morning Sex

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along."