https://www.theonion.com/world-agrees-to-just-take-down-internet-for-a-while-unt-1819579575World Agrees To Just Take Down Internet For A While Until They Can Find A Good Use For It
Speaking to reporters, individuals across the globe cited social media as perhaps the internet’s most problematic component, having wrongly assumed it was wise to allow people to share their opinions via a tool that generously rewards whoever makes the most shocking and abhorrent statements most frequently.
But the populace also observed that the internet, originally designed as a way for research institutions to share data, was now largely a repository of sponsored content, pop-up ads, movies no one will ever watch, spam, elaborate identity theft schemes, bank accounts vulnerable to hacking, middle-aged men badly covering Aerosmith on YouTube, futile online petitions, grossly embellished OkCupid profiles, spyware, fan-generated Lord Of The Rings erotica, celebrity gossip, anti-Semitic memes, revenge porn, deceptive apartment listings, and death threats.
“The internet is horrible—there’s so much of this thing that people just shouldn’t be using at all,” said Graham Curtis, a 52-year-old Dublin, Ireland, resident. “I think the original idea was that you’d log on and express a viewpoint, and then someone else would express theirs. Then some kind of semi-constructive dialogue would take place. Instead, you go online and someone almost immediately tells you he’d laugh so hard if you offed yourself.”