You really should start with a .22.  That said:  H&K P7.  Yes, they're expensive, but they're all steel, accurate, reliable, and have a really good trigger.

I have small hands also.
But hand size is only a small part of the equation. Here are the hard questions you have to ask yourself. Be realistic.

1- What do you want to do with it? Paper punching? Competition? Defensive?
2-How often do you want to shoot it?
3-How much can you afford to feed it? (dollars)
4-How serious are you about learning to shoot (pistol) well?
5- How much do you want to spend for a pistol?

My immediate recommendation is to find someone (a friend) with a variety of pistols who is willing to let you try them.
Don't be so quick to rule out any gun or caliber because your notion of what might be good could be thrown out the window once you get your hands on a real gun.
In general, newbies get sucked into current hype easily. I did many years ago when I was a newbie. Keep an open mind.

i'd like to to shoot it a fair amount.  i can afford buy a case or so a year. it would primarily be a range gun, but secondarily for home defense.

of course i'd like to learn to shoot well, but at the moment, i dont have an interest in getting to a competitive level.

and money wise?  i'd prefer not to break 8-900.  i could go higher, seeing as im not buying now, but i'd say 800 is a flexible starting point.

i personally just also want something that i can hold onto for a while.  i dont plan on making a purchase just to sell it a couple years later.

You really should start with a .22.  That said:  H&K P7.  Yes, they're expensive, but they're all steel, accurate, reliable, and have a really good trigger.

thanks for the suggestions.

im might hold off on the .22 though, just because my father is in the market for a .22 pistol in the next couple of months, so i'll have ample opportunity to shoot one, since we generally go to the range together.

not sure what he's getting though.

M&P 9, xd9, or HK P30.  The M&P is much cheaper than the HK and a great pistol.  It has a low bore axis and great grip angle.  I have the 9mm and love it.  I have or had a G19 (sold after getting M&P), sig 239, 1911 9mm with slim grips and a bunch of other stuff.  The M&P with the small backstrap wins hands down for small hands/short fingers without going into pistols like kahr's.  If you hold one in a shop, it will have the medium grip on it, so keep that in mind.  The P30 is nice, but $$.
The M&P mag release is ambi.  I'm right handed and have the release button set up as if I was lefty.  I hit the mag release with my trigger finger or middle finger and it works out so that I don't need to reach it with my thumb.  Some people put a trigger kit in their M&P, but I think the stock trigger is fine as is and prefer it over the glock trigger.

Trust me on this one, M&P 

i'd like to to shoot it a fair amount.  i can afford buy a case or so a year. it would primarily be a range gun, but secondarily for home defense.

of course i'd like to learn to shoot well, but at the moment, i dont have an interest in getting to a competitive level.

and money wise?  i'd prefer not to break 8-900.  i could go higher, seeing as im not buying now, but i'd say 800 is a flexible starting point.

i personally just also want something that i can hold onto for a while.  i dont plan on making a purchase just to sell it a couple years later.

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Good answers...
By the way, have you EVER shot ANY handgun before? If so what did you try?

Here is a link where you can get specifics and comparisons of various handguns which may be helpful for you. BTW....recently sold a CS45 (pistol depicted in the link) which is a decent pistol but I could say that about many handguns.

http://www.genitron.com/Handgun/Smith-Wesson/Pistol/CS45-(Chiefs-Special)/45-Auto/Variant-1

P30 is out then if your budget is 8-900
check out the sig 225 when it comes out
but i would be wary of sig qc issues

i'd like to to shoot it a fair amount.  i can afford buy a case or so a year. it would primarily be a range gun, but secondarily for home defense.

of course i'd like to learn to shoot well, but at the moment, i dont have an interest in getting to a competitive level.

and money wise?  i'd prefer not to break 8-900.  i could go higher, seeing as im not buying now, but i'd say 800 is a flexible starting point.

i personally just also want something that i can hold onto for a while.  i dont plan on making a purchase just to sell it a couple years later.

on a related note, and not sure if i should make a new thread, but, which is the best psitol class to take that would let me try out the most?  OGC?  LIFE?  others?

=====================
Good answers...
By the way, have you EVER shot ANY handgun before? If so what did you try?

just a P22, briefly.  all my other experience has been with airsoft gas pistols, so while im familiar with some of the controls and ergonomics of some models, i've pretty much no real trigger time behind a pistol as of yet.

on a related note, and not sure if i should make a new thread, but, which is the best psitol class to take that would let me try out the most?  OGC?  LIFE?  others?

PM Funtimes and see how many guns HDF shoots.

Even if you take a class other than LIFE, at the HRA fun shoots, almost anyone will be down to let you fire a few rounds through their guns.  I'd imagine the HDF shoots would be the same.

PM Funtimes and see how many guns HDF shoots.

Even if you take a class other than LIFE, at the HRA fun shoots, almost anyone will be down to let you fire a few rounds through their guns.  I'd imagine the HDF shoots would be the same.

thanks.

so HDF offers a class too?

thanks.

so HDF offers a class too?

Yessir

  Ah jumped in late to this conversation a bit late lol.  Most things have already been addressed by other members.  Best bet would be to either come to the HDF/HRA Fun Shoots or if you know anybody that owns a few to try to see if they'll go with you so you can try theirs out.  I usually ask them what their purpose is and try to go from there.  You mentioned primarily range shooting the secondary home defense.  Especially because you mentioned home defense I really advocate any defensive/dynamic handgun courses.

  Fortunately we do not have so many violent crimes that involve home defense (wish Hawaii had low crimes in the first place), but just the mindset that you only have a few seconds to react, you want to make sure that your reaction is 2nd nature but rational.  So many times we've already heard in the news about incompetent CCW holders on the mainland, especially that one guy whom ran to a scene and arrived with his handgun upholstered and safety off and almost shot the guy that had originally subdued the shooter and took his gun.  Now a good CCW holder would have searched and assessed the situation before even drawing there firearm.  Since the law doesn't work in our favor here, you have to ensure that when you have a body alarm response and react to an aggressor, you know each round you send doesn't hit any bystanders whether it be someone in another room, or a neighbor... but of course call HPD first.

well, i MAY be putting this pistol purchase off.

i just might be able to strike a really nice deal on an M1A.  MAYBE.  its like, a 10% chance, but still get chance right?

but if i get it, obviously no budget on the pistol.   but the deal would be too good to pass up.