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Jokes? Jokes, anyone... (Read 635833 times)

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1200 on: January 10, 2023, 02:40:32 PM »
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1201 on: January 10, 2023, 05:16:42 PM »
My New Year's resolution is to read more.


So, I enabled Closed Captioning ....
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1202 on: January 10, 2023, 05:28:02 PM »
Q:  Why don't girls blink during foreplay?



A:  They're afraid they might miss it.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1203 on: January 10, 2023, 05:40:42 PM »
My girlfriend and I were enjoying our second mug of beer at our favorite watering hole.

I said, "I love you so much!"

She asked, "Is that you talking or the beer?"

I said, "That's me talking TO the beer."

 :geekdanc:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1204 on: January 17, 2023, 11:16:39 AM »
Scanning through my SPAM folder before nuking all the junk emails, i saw one from "Dick's
Coffee Maker' titled "Free Coffee Maker from Dick's."

I wondered what a coffee maker would do if it was labeled "Dick's."

Based on my experience, the maker would make a fresh pot from the coffee grinds you added
and then immediately empty the pot before you could pour yourself a cup!

 :geekdanc:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1205 on: January 22, 2023, 02:25:33 PM »
My daughter bought me a book on the physics of anti-gravity.

I thought it would be boring, but I can't seem to put it down.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2023, 04:01:05 PM by Flapp_Jackson »
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

oldfart

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1206 on: January 22, 2023, 03:56:31 PM »
 :rofl:
Logged
What, Me Worry?

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1207 on: January 23, 2023, 01:18:25 AM »
My personal trainer quit this weekend.  He said he doesn't fell right training others when he can't lift half as much as his clients.

So, he handed in his too weak notice.

 :geekdanc:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1208 on: January 23, 2023, 01:22:06 AM »
A friend invited me to lunch and surprised me by wear a new hair piece.  He'd been going prematurely bald for years, so this was kind of a shock.

I told him it looked really good, but it must have cost a pretty penny..

He said, "Nah.  It was a small price toupee."
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1209 on: January 23, 2023, 01:35:45 AM »
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.

He was cremated so there'd be no coffin at the funeral.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1210 on: January 23, 2023, 01:40:00 AM »
A track star was killed with a starter pistol last week.

Social Media is saying it was race related.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1211 on: January 23, 2023, 01:46:06 AM »
Did you know light travels faster than sound?

That's why people seem brighter until you hear them speak.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1212 on: January 23, 2023, 01:48:39 AM »
My friend, Tom, told me he has a split personality.

I think he was being Frank.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1213 on: January 23, 2023, 01:50:34 AM »
I asked my pastor how churches make Holy Water holy.

He smiled and said, "We boil the hell out of it!"
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1214 on: January 23, 2023, 01:51:46 AM »
I dream of one day swimming in an ocean of orange soda.

But I know that's just a Fanta sea.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1215 on: January 23, 2023, 01:52:51 AM »
If life is giving you melons,

you might want to be tested for dyslexia.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1216 on: January 23, 2023, 12:07:20 PM »
I once knew a cross-eyed PE teacher.

He got fired because he wasn't able to control his pupils.

 :crazy:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1217 on: January 23, 2023, 12:09:31 PM »
My daughter was doing her homework and asked me, "What's the difference between ignorance and apathy?"

I replied, "I don't know, and I don't care."

 :geekdanc:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1218 on: January 23, 2023, 12:21:06 PM »
Got another SPAM call on my cell.  This one was from some guy trying to sell me a burial plot.

I told him, "That's the last thing I need!"
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1219 on: January 23, 2023, 12:25:25 PM »
Someone stole my mood ring collection.


Not sure how I feel about that.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw
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