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Jokes? Jokes, anyone... (Read 635733 times)

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1240 on: January 29, 2023, 02:15:39 PM »
Now that the original series The Walking Dead is finished, there are rumors of a Left-Wing "Woke" reboot in the works.

Of course, the title will have to be updated to The Woken Dead or something similar.

And i hear the Saviors are now all Vegan.

 :geekdanc:   :shaka:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1241 on: January 29, 2023, 04:41:55 PM »
Grandpa broke his ice scraper, so he tried scraping the ice off his windshield using a grocery store discount card from his wallet.

He managed to get 50% off...
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1242 on: February 01, 2023, 09:24:14 PM »
My wife made me go to therapy because i was doing bird impressions all the time and couldn't seem to stop myself.  At work, my kid's school, parties ... she was tired of all the people we know laughing behind my back.

However, when my therapist made me stop imitating a flamingo, i had to put my foot down.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1243 on: February 01, 2023, 09:26:34 PM »
I thought my brother did well in school.

So, I was surprised when he confessed he can't count the number of times he failed math.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1244 on: February 01, 2023, 09:28:29 PM »
There's an old saying:  Money talks.


Mine seems to only know one word:  Good-bye.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1245 on: February 01, 2023, 09:30:05 PM »
Adding insult to injury is okay if you're signing a cast.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1246 on: February 01, 2023, 09:31:08 PM »
I just burned 2,000 calories.

Now the kitchen smells like burnt brownies.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1247 on: February 01, 2023, 09:34:13 PM »
A recent study found that women who carry some extra weight live longer than husbands who mentioned it.

 :geekdanc:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1248 on: February 01, 2023, 09:38:05 PM »
My daughter said she carried a case of fresh parsley out to her car and forgot to pay for it.

The store pressed charges, and now her wages are being garnished.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1249 on: February 01, 2023, 09:42:06 PM »
My uncle raises chickens.

He lists his occupation as "Chicken Tender."
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1250 on: February 01, 2023, 09:43:39 PM »
Ever try sketching with a blunt pencil?

It's pointless.
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1251 on: February 03, 2023, 12:11:52 AM »
I put my cell phone in Airplane Mode.

It was last spotted over LAX.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2023, 11:55:32 AM by Flapp_Jackson »
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

oldfart

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1252 on: February 03, 2023, 09:44:39 AM »
 :rofl: :rofl:
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What, Me Worry?

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1253 on: February 07, 2023, 10:35:39 PM »
Q:  What's the least spoken language on Earth?



A:  Sign Language.

 :thumbsup: :geekdanc:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1254 on: February 08, 2023, 12:38:10 AM »
Q:  What's the difference between a PENCIL and a LIBERAL?



A:  A pencil has a point.

 :geekdanc:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1255 on: February 08, 2023, 10:32:41 AM »
Q:  How do you weigh digital selfies?



A:  In Instagrams.
« Last Edit: February 09, 2023, 01:03:54 AM by Flapp_Jackson »
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1256 on: February 08, 2023, 11:03:11 AM »
I only learned 25 letters of the alphabet.


I don't know y ....
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1257 on: February 09, 2023, 01:02:35 AM »
My coworker invited me to a Gender Reveal Party.

The host eventually walked over and explained why I was the only one there naked.

 :oops:
Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1258 on: February 15, 2023, 08:20:49 PM »
I went to the sperm bank, and after filling out all the forms, the nurse asked if I was ready to masterbate in the cup.

I said I'd been practicing, but I don't think I'm ready for competition yet.

Logged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

oldfart

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #1259 on: February 16, 2023, 04:31:20 AM »
 :rofl:
Logged
What, Me Worry?
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