Chuck Norris thread.... (Read 6880 times)

ImKu

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #20 on: June 05, 2013, 09:13:57 PM »
Some of my favorites   :thumbsup::

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives...

Chuck Norris does not go hunting, the word "hunting" implies the possibility of failure.  Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret

The mind acts like an enemy for those who do not control it.
- Bhagavad Gita

moosed

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Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #21 on: June 05, 2013, 11:04:39 PM »
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone, he already had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; and that's why there are no signs of life.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it

Ghosts sit around the campfire at night and tell Chuck Norris stories.

Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter.  He can already follow you without you knowing.

When Chuck Norris gets pulled over for speeding, the Cops are the ones let off with just a warning.

When only cops have guns, it's called a "police state".

kia_killer

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Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #22 on: June 05, 2013, 11:13:46 PM »
Chuck Norris counted to infinity..... Twice.

Chuck Norris died 5 years ago... Death just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack, his heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.

kia_killer

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Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #23 on: June 05, 2013, 11:34:52 PM »
Chuck Norris has an unbeatable poker face, he won the 2007 world poker championship holding a 2 of clubs, 4 of hearts, a monopoly "get out of jail free" card, a green 8 card from UNO, and a Yu Gi Oh card.

hnl.flyboy

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #24 on: June 06, 2013, 07:57:21 PM »
Here's a picture I found on my laptop.

This is why Special Forces soldiers are so badass...
LEX MALLA, LEX NULLA

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Jl808

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #25 on: June 08, 2013, 08:13:16 AM »
Here's a few more good ones... Enjoy!

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard.  There is only another fist.

Some kids play kick the can, but Chuck Norris played kick the keg.

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child... once on Hiroshima, and another time on Nagasaki.

Chuck Norris does not wear a condom because there is no protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Mr. T at the exact moment Mr. T punched Chuck Norris. The resulting phenomenon is known today as "the '80s."

Chuck Norris once peed in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke... That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

Most people know that Descarte said, "I think, therefore I am." what most people don't know is that the quote continues, "afraid of Chuck Norris."
I think, therefore I am armed.
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Jl808

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #26 on: December 19, 2013, 06:13:21 PM »
I think, therefore I am armed.
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The United States Constitution © 1791. All Rights Reserved.

Tom_G

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #27 on: December 19, 2013, 07:27:18 PM »
Fact: Chuck Norris is half Cherokee. It's not a question of ancestry, he ate a Jeep.
The difference between theory and reality is that, in theory, there is no difference between theory and reality.

BananaClip

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #28 on: December 19, 2013, 07:38:58 PM »
"Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding....."

"Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter..."
"In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth"- Genesis1:1 KJV

"The Truth Shall Set You Free"

"Once Blind But Now i See"

JN 8:12

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #29 on: December 20, 2013, 06:33:24 PM »
Isn't Chuck Norris, Chris Costa's Dad?!?!
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changemyoil66

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #31 on: April 10, 2019, 10:03:05 AM »
Chuck Norris can eat 1 lay potato chip

Chuck Norris doesn't recognize the periodic table of elements. The only element he recognizes, is the element of surprise

Heavies

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #32 on: April 10, 2019, 10:29:43 AM »
Did you know that once, Chuck Norris was bit by a rattle snake?
After 3 days of agonizing pain,












The snake died...

PalisadesKid

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #33 on: April 10, 2019, 11:05:32 AM »
And just like that, Glock finally lived up to the slogan "Glock Perfection"


https://www.wideopenspaces.com/glock-announces-chuck-norris-as-new-spokesperson/?utm_campaign=inline&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook&fbclid=IwAR3i3kuk76U-hZ1xW51QJ_TOzGkuRaZLe0wLtBwJiujez_aSIGlkiH5QDKo

Waiting for the new GlockNorris Gen 1 where even the 10 round factory magazine followers feed ALL JHP rounds without a failure to feed.

Heavies

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #34 on: April 10, 2019, 04:54:52 PM »
Law makers in Hawaii are scrambling to compose new laws to protect the children from the new GlockNorris Gen1.

Why would anyone need something so invincible?

"For the children"

mrgaf

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #35 on: April 11, 2019, 04:13:52 PM »
I’m crying I tell ya, crying I’m laughing so hard! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.  Thomas Paine.

No man can get rich in politics unless he is a crook.  It cannot be done. Harry Truman

Jl808

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #36 on: April 12, 2019, 07:35:07 AM »
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris was awarded the nobel peace prize, for letting so many people live.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

The only thing that gets between Chuck Norris and justice is an equal sign.

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
« Last Edit: April 12, 2019, 07:41:53 AM by Jl808 »
I think, therefore I am armed.
NRA Life Patron member, HRA Life member, HiFiCo Life Member, HDF member

The United States Constitution © 1791. All Rights Reserved.

RSN172

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #37 on: April 14, 2019, 06:55:15 PM »
Who is Chuck Norris?

Direjackalope

Re: Chuck Norris thread....
« Reply #38 on: April 14, 2019, 07:22:17 PM »
Who is Chuck Norris?
A more effeminate version of Paul Harrel.