Q:  Why is the Quran like marijuana?

A:  Burning that shit can get you stoned!

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Sergeant: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown.

Sergeant: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been a skirt or shorts. I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sergeant: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: Brand new 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed. Custom leather seats and “Bubba” floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch. DVD with navigation, 21-channel CB radio, six cup holders, and four power outlets. Added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelins. Wife put a small scratch on the drivers door. At this point the husband started choking up.

Sergeant: Don’t worry buddy. We’ll find your truck.

Not sure this is for real or not. But the thought of it is funny nonetheless.

http://safeshare.tv/w/LbPrqyRwwI

George Bush and Barrack Obama ended up in the same barber shop. Each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.
The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Obama in his chair reached for the aftershave. Obama was quick to stop him saying,
“No thanks, my wife Michelle will smell that and think I’ve been in a whorehouse all day.”

The second barber turned to Bush and said, “How about you sir?”

Bush replied, “Go ahead; my wife doesn’t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.”

                             

'Murica

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his 1911 Colt .45.  He had one 7-round magazine plus one round in the chamber.

The man stood at the bar and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You're gonna need more ammo!"

Just one more example of why you need high-capacity firearms.

 

Didn't know where to put this.
Maybe I should submit with my CCW application.   

Q. What's the difference between a mans penis and his paycheck?

A.  He doesn't have to beg is wife to blow his paycheck.

Auto Spell

A man received the following text from his neighbor...

"I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess:
I have been helping myself to your wife day and night when you're not around. In fact, I have probably been getting more than you. I do not get it at home - but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt, and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't ever happen again."

The man, anguished and enraged, was just about to go confront his wife about her infidelity when a few moments later, a second text came in: "Damn Auto spell! Sorry Bob, the second sentence should read, 'your WiFi"...

Terry, 230RN

Drill Sergeant My Weapon Will Not Fire....



Enjoy!

A real product...

http://www.latestapplenews.com/news/wankband-by-pornhub

Enjoy!!!

AK47 VS AR-15 VS MOSIN NAGANT

“…if you have an AK47:

-It works though you have never cleaned it. Ever.
-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn
-Cheap mags are fun to buy.
-Your safety can be heard from 300 meters away.
-Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling
-Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.
-You can put a .30” hole through 12” of oak, if you can hit it.
-When out of ammo your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
-Recoil is manageable, even fun.
-Your sight adjustment goes to “10”, and you’ve never bothered moving it.
-Your rifle can be used by any two bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.
-You paid $350.
-You buy cheap ammo by the case.
-You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.
-Service life, 50 years.
-It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.
-You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
-You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards to burst into flames.
-After a long day the range you relax by watching “Red Dawn”.
-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
-You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
-Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint.
-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”

…if you have an M16:

-You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning.
-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn from 600 meters
-Cheap mags melt.
-You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger
-Your rifle has a 9 point stealth tactical suspension system.
-Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.
-You can put one hole in a paper target at 100 meters with 30 rounds.
-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.
-What’s recoil?
-Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.
-Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts.
-You paid $900.
-You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.
-Your foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.
-Service life, 40 years.
-You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.
-You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith, it’s under warranty!
-You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5 shot group.
- After a long day at the range you relax by watching “Blackhawk Down”.
-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for hotdogs and apple pie.
-Your rifle’s accessories cost eight times as much as your rifle.
-Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.
-Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Eugene Stoner.
-Late at night you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.

…if you have a Mosin Nagant:

-It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.
-You are able to hit the broad side of a barn…from two counties away.
-What’s a mag?
-What’s a safety?
-Your rifle has dog collars.
-Your bayonet is longer than your leg.
-You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.
-When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, or tent pole
-Recoil is often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.
-Your sight adjustment goes to 12 miles and you’ve actually tried it.
-Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time.
-You paid $59.95.
-You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.
-You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your fighting hole.
-Service life, 100 years, and counting.
-You believe no real man would dare risk the ridicule of his friends by suggesting there is anything but 7.62x54r.
-If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.
-You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle 5 rounds without the aid of a 2x4.
-After a long day at the range you relax by watching “Enemy At The Gates”.
-After cleaning your rifle you have a strong urge for shishkabob.
-Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.
-Your rifle’s finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga’s toe nail polish.
-You’re not sure there WERE cameras to photograph Sergei Mosin.
-Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in the the yard to sleep in.”

^ nice Inspector I have all 3 do I get a prize?

^ nice Inspector I have all 3 do I get a prize?

So if you have all three I guess that makes you a proud American, a Socialist and a Pinko Commie!!!!   

"No soup for you" - Soup Nazi

But really, which is your favorite?

But really, which is your favorite?

1) AK (milled receiver, 7.62x39mm cal.) she puts a smile on my face
2) M-N 91/30 if I could shoot a hundred rounds at a setting it would be #1
3) AR (it is what is it) doesn't have a soul like the ole M-N does a lot can be said about steel and wood vs Al and plastic

...2) M-N 91/30 if I could shoot a hundred rounds at a setting it would be #1...

That is what they make sissy pads for!!!  I used to put a sissy pad on mine so I could shoot it all day. My shoulder still hurt but not as bad even after 100 or 200 or 400 rounds. But seriously if you reload PM me and I can make some recommendations on loading reduced loads for your Mosin. Now I can shoot it all day even without the recoil reducing pad.

Enjoy!

SUBJECT: Over 60

When you are over sixty who gives a shit.....

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said,
"Is that Corona or Bud?"

I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."
When you are over sixty, who gives a shit?

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night.
She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut,
you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there
instead of you."
When you are over sixty, who gives a shit?

I was telling a girl in the pub about my ability to guess what day a
woman was born just by feeling her boobs.
"Really" she said, "Go on then...try."
After about thirty seconds of fondling, she began to lose patience and
said, "Come on, what day was I born?"
I said, "Yesterday."
When you are over sixty, who gives a shit?

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today.
The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.
When you are over sixty, who gives a shit?

I went to the pub last night and saw a fat chick dancing on a table. I
said, "Nice legs."
The girl giggled and said with a smile, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now. "
When you are over sixty, who gives a shit?