Jokes? Jokes, anyone... (Read 635534 times)

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #680 on: September 27, 2015, 12:21:01 PM »
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #681 on: September 28, 2015, 12:44:18 AM »
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #682 on: October 01, 2015, 04:40:09 PM »
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #683 on: October 03, 2015, 06:23:39 PM »
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #684 on: October 07, 2015, 09:21:23 PM »
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #685 on: October 11, 2015, 10:42:02 AM »
** Language alert **

An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

Inspector

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #686 on: October 11, 2015, 02:38:11 PM »
SGT. SCHULTZ'S LONG LOST DAUGHTER FOUND.............

SCIENCE THAT CAN’T BE QUESTIONED IS PROPAGANDA!!!

oldfart

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #687 on: October 12, 2015, 06:39:31 PM »
Mail order catalog...
What, Me Worry?

Rocky

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #688 on: October 13, 2015, 06:33:41 AM »
I was in a bar last Saturday night, when this drunk mess of a girl came up to me, squeezed my ass and said, "Give me your number, sexy."

I replied "Have you got a pen?"

She smiled and said "Yes."

I said, "Well you better get back to it before the farmer notices you're missing."

“I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”
                                                           Franklin D. Roosevelt

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #689 on: October 13, 2015, 06:32:55 PM »
A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.  The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'  At that statement, the jeweler went to his best stock and brought another ring over.

'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000,' the jeweler said.

The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.  The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now,
and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds.  I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said, 'Sir...There's no money in that account!!'

''I know,' said the old man.  'But let me tell you about my weekend!!’

 :rofl:
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

Sodie

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #690 on: October 13, 2015, 09:44:53 PM »
A penguin is taking a road trip when he starts having car trouble.  He pulls in to an auto shop in a little town on his route, and leaves the car for the mechanic to troubleshoot while he gets some lunch.

When he gets back to the garage, he asks the mechanic if he figured out what the problem was.

"Well, I think you blew a seal," the mechanic replies.

The penguin yells back, "Just fix the damn car and leave my private life out of it!"

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #691 on: October 14, 2015, 10:29:14 PM »
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #692 on: October 19, 2015, 07:50:15 PM »
Recently, while I was working in the flower beds in the front yard, my neighbors stopped
to chat as they returned home from walking their dog.

During our friendly conversation, I asked their little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up.

She said she wanted to be President someday. Both of her parents, Democratic Party members,
were standing there so I asked her, "If you were President what would be the first thing you would do?"

She replied... "I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people."

Her parents beamed with pride!

"Wow...what a worthy goal!" I said..."But you don't have to wait until you're President to do that!"

"What do you mean?" she replied.

So I told her, "You can come over to my house and mow the lawn, pull weeds, and trim my hedge,
and I'll pay you $50. Then you can go over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out,
and you can give him the $50 to use toward food and a new house."

She thought that over for a few seconds, then she looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Why doesn't
the homeless guy come over and do the work, and you can just pay him the $50?"

I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party."

Her parents aren't speaking to me anymore.
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

Mr. Farknocker

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #693 on: October 27, 2015, 01:07:44 PM »
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the southern redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #694 on: October 28, 2015, 07:06:12 PM »
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

Inspector

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #695 on: October 29, 2015, 04:43:37 AM »
SCIENCE THAT CAN’T BE QUESTIONED IS PROPAGANDA!!!

Kingkeoni

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #696 on: October 30, 2015, 10:14:51 PM »
Haha
Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

808glocker

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #697 on: October 31, 2015, 11:08:00 AM »
Why can't Witches have babies?  Because their husbands have Hollow
Weenies! 

mauidog

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #698 on: October 31, 2015, 11:23:48 AM »
A ghost walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, fella!  You can't bring boos in here!"
« Last Edit: October 31, 2015, 11:30:20 AM by mauidog »
An unarmed man can only flee from evil, and evil is not overcome by fleeing from it.   -- Jeff Cooper

Inspector

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #699 on: November 01, 2015, 06:34:36 PM »
INTERESTING OBSERVATION

 

 
1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

 

  2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

 
  3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

 
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

 

  5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

 
And...

  6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF. 


THE amazing facts are,

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.

 
There must be a boat load of people in Washington playing marbles.
SCIENCE THAT CAN’T BE QUESTIONED IS PROPAGANDA!!!