Jokes? Jokes, anyone... (Read 635426 times)

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #800 on: July 26, 2016, 11:06:01 PM »
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

eyeeatingfish

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #801 on: July 30, 2016, 07:12:12 AM »

Cried watching this.

London808

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #802 on: July 31, 2016, 04:11:56 PM »
"Mr. Roberts is a bit of a fanatic, he has previously sued HPD about gun registration issues." : Major Richard Robinson 2016

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #803 on: August 07, 2016, 09:21:11 PM »
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Bunker

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #804 on: August 07, 2016, 10:15:04 PM »
Confessions in a Closet....

A woman takes her secret lover home, during the day while her husband is at work.
While they are busy getting amorous, her 9-yr old son comes home, sees them and hides in the closet to watch.
Shortly after that, the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that her son is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy:"I have a baseball..."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy:Wanna buy it?"
Man:"No thanks."
Boy:"My Dad is outside, I could call for him"
Man:"Ok, how much?"
Boy:"$250.00."
Over the next few weeks, it happens that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy:"Dark in here."
Man:"Yes, it is."
Boy:"I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?"
Boy:$750."
Man:"Sold."
A few days later, the Dad says to his Son, "Grab your glove, lets go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my glove and ball."
The Dad asks,"How much did you sell them for?"
Boy:$1,000."
The Dad, obviously upset, says "That's terrible to over-charge your friends
like that! That is way more than those two things are worth! I"m taking you to church and you are going to confess your sins!"
They drive over to the church and the Dad makes the boy sit in the confession booth, then closes the little door.
Boy:"Dark in here."
The Priest says, "Don't start that shit again, you're in MY closet now!

Rocky

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #805 on: August 09, 2016, 08:51:53 AM »
Import Lunch Break
“I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”
                                                           Franklin D. Roosevelt

macsak

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #806 on: August 09, 2016, 11:17:54 AM »
Import Lunch Break

 :rofl:
that's racist!
 :shake:

Kingkeoni

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #807 on: August 09, 2016, 07:11:15 PM »
A big burly guy walks in a bar waving a gun. He says "I have a Colt 1911 here with 7 rounds in my magazine and 1 in the chamber, and I want to know who's been screwing my wife.

A voice in the back of the bar yells out, "You're gonna need a lot more bullets than that"
Your number one Option for Personal Security is a lifelong commitment to avoidance, deterrence, and de-escalation.

Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

Rocky

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #808 on: August 11, 2016, 10:44:30 AM »
:rofl:
that's racist!
 :shake:
Until they chip a tooth !  :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
“I ask you to judge me by the enemies I have made.”
                                                           Franklin D. Roosevelt

macsak

Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #809 on: August 12, 2016, 06:04:39 AM »
Until they chip a tooth !  :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:



I think they might have switched the book titles


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
« Last Edit: August 12, 2016, 06:13:54 AM by macsak »

London808

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #810 on: August 13, 2016, 04:46:17 PM »
"Mr. Roberts is a bit of a fanatic, he has previously sued HPD about gun registration issues." : Major Richard Robinson 2016

K30l4

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #811 on: August 13, 2016, 04:53:58 PM »
Regarding the video above, I had someone pay for my meal in a drive thru. I got to say that I literally was in tears. I was completely moved by an act of love. I was thanking Jesus for for putting kindness in a person's heart and that person "living out loud".

Actions speak louder than words.

London808

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #812 on: August 13, 2016, 06:35:35 PM »
Regarding the video above, I had someone pay for my meal in a drive thru. I got to say that I literally was in tears. I was completely moved by an act of love. I was thanking Jesus for for putting kindness in a person's heart and that person "living out loud".

Actions speak louder than words.

If i go through the drive through on the way home from work and my customer paid cash, i will pay for the guy behind me, Most times its under $5,
"Mr. Roberts is a bit of a fanatic, he has previously sued HPD about gun registration issues." : Major Richard Robinson 2016

London808

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #813 on: August 14, 2016, 03:58:49 PM »
"Mr. Roberts is a bit of a fanatic, he has previously sued HPD about gun registration issues." : Major Richard Robinson 2016

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #814 on: August 16, 2016, 06:17:38 PM »
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #815 on: August 16, 2016, 08:18:11 PM »
When you're so drunk, you keep getting in your own way!   :rofl:

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

macsak

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #816 on: August 17, 2016, 07:17:44 AM »
If i go through the drive through on the way home from work and my customer paid cash, i will pay for the guy behind me, Most times its under $5,




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #817 on: August 19, 2016, 02:51:12 PM »
Donald and Hillary go into a bakery on the campaign trail. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.

She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely win the election."

The Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life!  Trickery and deceit!  I'm going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a pastry and I'll show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that one too.

The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, "What did you do with the pastries?"

Trump replies, "Look in Hillary's pocket!!"
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

Flapp_Jackson

Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #818 on: August 22, 2016, 09:17:25 AM »
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living.
All the typical answers came up -- teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Johnny was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his mother,
he replied, "Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front of men and they
put money in her under-wear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay
with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises
and then took little Johnny aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your mother?

"No," the boy said, "she works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton elected
as our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."


 :rofl:
« Last Edit: August 24, 2016, 04:17:18 PM by Flapp_Jackson »
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world;
the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.
Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
-- George Bernard Shaw

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Re: Jokes? Jokes, anyone...
« Reply #819 on: August 29, 2016, 01:28:11 PM »
HAHA
I hate Hillary.